Dark Side of the Cerebellum: "Drowning"
That's what this feels like. Trying so hard to connect with others, to express yourself, only to fail time and time again to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Trying so hard to help someone only to hurt them instead with misspoken and misinterpreted words.
In frustration, I scream my true feelings only to be drowned out by the roaring torrents of hate. The water violently puts its own disgusting words in my mouth and forces them down my gullet. With every breath, the raging water fills my lungs more and more. Trickles of hateful words seek out all of my vulnerable spots—even the ones I thought were getting better, were finally healing—until I finally burst at the seams.
With every attempt I make to reach out to a helping hand, a vicious current jerks my arm out of reach, pulling me down. So I kick into action, for action is supposedly stronger than words, only to further disturb the already restless waters. Lying in wait along the sea bed are predatory weeds who claw at me until they finally tangle around my ankles. Dragging me down to the bottom into their suffocating embrace, I’m trapped.
I may be out of the water now, but I need to tend to my wounds after my foolish endeavor. I’ve learned that I'm too weak, too broken, to help anyone. That empathy and intent accomplish nothing. As much as I want to help, I can't now.
If I don't reply to a post related to mental health...
it's not that I don't care ( I care TOO much ),
it's not that I can't relate ( sadly, I CAN ),
...I just can't right now.
As for fandom wank, well, that's just putting more salt into the wound. I'm cleaning out my followed blogs thoroughly and I'm setting up tumblr savior. I'm not leaving, I'm just bandaging myself.