My Ficlet: "Hey There, Chief!"

Author: Mistina and Sailor Shipper of the Cranky Ol’ Fangirls

Beta: n/a

Date: May 25, 2013

Revised: July 27, 2020

Series: “Supernatural”

Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel

Spoilers: 4x12 ‘Criss Angel is a Douche Bag’

Length: 311 words

Rating: 14a for implied sexual situations and some crude language

Summary: “What if Castiel had appeared in Season 4, Episode 12 ‘Criss Angel is a Douche Bag’?”

Author's Note:This is ‘spur of the moment’ crack I spewed out over yahoo during a “Supernatural” marathon with Shipper, with help from Shipper. Not to be taken seriously. Not proofread.

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Excerpt from the show:

CHIEF: You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.

DEAN: There’s been a misunderstanding. I think, uh, I’ve been had.

CHIEF: Oh, you ain’t been had till you been had by The Chief.

CHIEF: Oh, and before we get started, what’s your safe word?

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SAM: No way!

DEAN: Ugh… Why the Hell am I telling you guys this?

SAM: *laughing his ass off*

DEAN: It seemed like a valid lead, dammit! How was I supposed to know that they were screwing with me?!

CASTIEL: I don't understand, Dean. Do humans find ‘abuse’ to be pleasurable somehow? Don’t tell me that you find it pleasurable… do you?

CASTIEL: *turns to Dean with puppy eyes*

DEAN: *flushes scarlet*

SAM: *wiping a tear from his eye* Well, Dean, I’ll leave you to demonstrate for him. I'm going to go to the library for a few hours to, um…

DEAN: What the Hell?!

SAM: Well, you know… Research! I’m gonna research our next monster of the week. Yeah, that’s it. Bye, guys! Have fun! *rushes out of room, laughing*

DEAN: Dammit, Sam! If anyone’s going to explain this to him, it's YOU you fruit —

CASTIEL: …he’s gone, Dean.

DEAN: Dammit!

CASTIEL: *soulfully stares into Dean’s eyes, more intensely than usual*

DEAN: Uhh… Cas? *starts backing away* Stop looking at me like… like that… *backs up into the wall*

CASTIEL: *more staring*

DEAN: *stares back, cornered*

CASTIEL: *again, more staring only he imperceptibly raises a brow*

DEAN: Wait!

CASTIEL: Yes, Dean?

DEAN: You... You know! Y-You… You’re…

CASTIEL: ...

CASTIEL: * sighs* Dean, I’m fully aware of what humans find pleasurable.

DEAN: *eyes widen in surprise* Then why —

CASTIEL: I just... *finally looks away*

DEAN: …

CASTIEL: *flushes, suddenly unable to look Dean in the eye*

CASTIEL: …I just wanted you to show me.

DEAN: …Cas?

CASTIEL: Dean…

DEAN: *gently reaches out to nudge Castiel’s chin up so that the angel’s gaze once again met his own*

*they share a sweet and romantic kiss*

DEAN: *suddenly pushes Castiel onto the bed roughly*

DEAN: Alright. What’s your safe word?

*SMEX*

THE END

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Epilogue

“Castiel, the Energizer Bunny of the Lord”

SAM: *at the library*

SAM: Man, I’m tired of research… I guess I’ll head back— Crap! We just have the one room. Well that’s alright, I can just— Dammit! I left my wallet in there… T_T

SAM: *sighs* I guess I'll have to wait, since they have the keys too…

*six hours later*

SAM: *standing outside the motel room where obscene noises are burning his ears*

SAM: Christ! Just how much stamina do they have? *makes his patented ‘bitch face’*

SAM: Oh well, I guess I'll go hustle pool at a bar... Maybe I can make enough money to drown myself in beer. Lots and lots of beer…

*Several more hours later, back in the motel room*

CASTIEL: Dean, I think it’s safe to say that you’ve successfully deflowered me.

DEAN: Dammit, Cas!

#myfic #myficlet #spn #supernatural #destiel #crankyolfangirls #spn4x12 #crissangelisadouchebag #sailorshipper