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  • A Girl of Many Fandoms

Fandom "Review": My Illustrated "Review" of Disney's Frozen

Updated: May 25, 2020

[[ All "Frozen" screencaps are from Frozen Screencaps. Any other picture should be sourced. ]]



 



...


Dang that's cute!


 






Wow.


really didn’t see them coming.


O.O



I think they should replace lawn gnomes because they are so much cuter!


XP



 

"Listen to me, Elsa, your power will only grow."



"There is beauty in it…"



"...but also great danger. You must learn to control it. Fear will be your enemy."



ME: So what's the solution, guys?


"No. We’ll protect her. She can learn to control it. I’m sure. Until then, we’ll lock the gates. We’ll reduce the staff. We will limit her contact with people and keep her powers hidden from everyone… including Anna."



So there’s a prophecy about how your loved one’s supernatural powers will bring disaster upon both themselves and the land and your solution is to punish protect said POWERFUL loved one by exiling them into hiding?


First, I've NEVER heard this story before.


*rolls eyes*


Second, Isolation = Solution?


Yeah, because that’ll end well.


*rolls eyes harder*



 

*time lapses*


*singing*


*time lapses*


*singing*


*time lapses*


*singing*


*more singing*


*time lapses*


*singing*


Bring back the trolls!


I’m booOOOooOOoooOoOooorrrreeeddd…..


T_T


 

*royal parents board a ship for a short trip*


ME: Who’s going to kick it! Taking all bets!

MY DAD: I would never want to be a parent in a Disney film.

MY MOM: Yeah, in Disney films they have to be orphans.


 

"I won’t be alone. I can’t wait to meet everyone…


What if I meet 'the one'?"


ME: Oh god… No…


"Tonight, imagine me gown and all.


Fetchingly draped against the wall.


The picture of sophisticated Grace."



ME: Seriously?


"I suddenly see him standing there,


a beautiful stranger tall and fair.


I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face!


But then we laugh and talk all evening,


Which is totally bizarre."



ME: Seriously?!


"Nothing like the life I’ve led so far.


For the first time in forever,


There’ll be magic, There’ll be fun."



ME: Up until this song, this movie was all about family! Now she’s singing about finding a man?!



"For the first time in forever,


I could be noticed by someone."



ME: Fuck my life…


"And I know it is totally crazy.


To dream I’d find romance."



ME: Couldn’t they have foreshadowed this theme during the prologue?


"But for the first time in forever,


At least I’ve got a chance!"



ME: I wouldn’t be so disgusted if they had.




ME: OH COME ON!!!


I took Art History and I know that painting, it’s obviously based off Fragonard’s “The Swing”!


It’s a painting about casual sex! How do I know? Because It's hard to forget hearing your Art History teacher telling you about how 'losing her shoe' symbolized the woman's loss of her virginity!!!


*rages*


 

ME: I hate Anna already.

Shipper:She’s been locked up way too long.

Me:With the wrong literature.

Me:*fumes*


 


A white knight?




IT’S A TRAP!!!



What is up with his horse’s hair?


I mean, I know this is an animated movie and all, but with the combination of the realistic color palettes with the unrealistically placed color streak… wtf?!


o.O


 

“…The bells. The coronation.

I… I…”


ME: Running late? Steal Borrow his horse!



"I better go. I have to…I better go.


Bye!"



ME: Aw… She didn’t steal borrow the horse.


:(


 


That’s not a crown!!!


That’s a hair clip sh*tty tiara!!!


 



Dayum…


I can see why people ship these two⁠—


NUOOOO!!! NOT THE INCEST!!!


FETCH ME BRAIN BLEACH!!!


 


Hans: Can I say something crazy…?


Hans: Will you marry me?


Anna: Can I just say something even crazier?


Anna: Yes.



WHAT THE HELL?!!


DIDN’T THEY JUST MEET?!!


O.O



She really has been locked up too long.


T_T


 


Elsa’s secret power: Bullshit detection.


YOU GO, ELSA!!


One does not receive the Queen’s blessing for stupidity!!! Love, yes. Stupidity, GET THE BLEEP OUT OF HERE!


 


Now I realize that, in context, everyone’s reaction to Elsa's display of power was realistic, but this would have been me:



Where is this kid when you need him?


XP


 



Cinderella Elsa leaves behind a glass slipper glove behind at the ball and the prince princess Anna chases after⁠—


NUOOOO!!!! THE INCEST’S BACK!!!


BRAIN BLEACH!!!!


MY KINGDOM FOR SOME BRAIN BLEACH!!!


T_T


 

In other new, the anatomy of the royal sisters creeps me out… Eyes… Nose… They must have really weird skulls… Wow, apparently I did learn something in that Anatomy class years and years ago. XP


 



YAY!!!


Anna stole the horse after all⁠—


WAIT FOR IT!


 

YAY!


Finally something of quality!


*sings along to ‘Let it Go’*


WAIT FOR IT!


 


WAIT



FOR


IT


And there it is. The horse escaped.


XD


 


OMG!!!


This movie is worth watching just for this:


Anna waddling…


*waddle, waddle*


…in a half frozen dress!!!


ROFL!!!


 

Wow! This shop keeper’s cheerfulness is unwavering and he is completely unfazed by anything!



Until you insult his honor.



But he is easily satisfied…



…and resumes his post.



XD


 

Reindeers are better than people.


Sven, Don’t you think that’s true?”


“Yeah, People will beat you & Curse you & Cheat you.


Every one of em’s bad, Except you”


“Oh, Thanks, Buddy.


But People smell better than Reindeers.


Sven, Don’t you think I’m right?


That’s once again true, For all Except you.”


ME:

ME: Is he serenading his reindeer?

ME: O.O

ME:BESTIALITY!!!

SHIPPER: And this is a Disney film.

ME: Hello? Beauty and the Beast? *in the following tone*



 


First Elsa, now a complete stranger. How many more people have to point out that getting engaged after ONE date is CRAZY before Anna finally gets it?


Kristoff: Didn’t your parents ever warn you about strangers?


Anna: Yes, they did… But Hans is not a stranger.



ME: *face palm*



Kristoff:  Oh yeah? What’s his last name?


Anna: …Of-the-Southern-Isles?


Kristoff:  What’s his favorite food?


Anna: Sandwiches.


Kristoff:  Best friend’s name?


Anna: Probably John.


Kristoff:  Eye color…


Anna: Dreamy.



ME: *gags*



Kristoff: Foot size?


Anna: Foot size doesn’t matter.



ME: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!!!!



Kristoff: Have you had a meal with him yet? What if you hate the way he eats? What if you hate the way he picks his nose?


Anna: Picks his nose?


Kristoff: And eats it.


Anna: Excuse me, Sir. He’s a Prince.


Kristoff: All men do it.


ME:


ME: LOL!


 


Wolves?


Really?



*coughs* BeautyAndTheBeastRipOff *coughs*



See?


 


ME:



ME:



ME: WTF?!


ME: O.O



Kristoff: But I just paid it off.



ME: Okay, this I like.


ME: XD